Real

You want me to keep it real … well this is real … two bodies that really touch … two souls that see each other clearly … hungers that can’t be sated … hearts that beat together … hands that can’t let go …

I’ve had a relationship that was more dead than alive … I’ve had casual and meaningless … I’ve had painful and disappointing … and I’ve had a mental connection that woke me from a deep dark sleep …

And now I will have real … the deluge … sweet annihilation at his hand …

We will walk in the place where I never end and he never begins … where devils roam and angels laugh … together … in harmony …

A Warm Smile

“A very warm smile.”

That was his intro. Not the most overtly seductive of come-ons. Just quietly to the point and gently flattering. So much him.

Then the charming interplay. Words poured from one restless mind to the other. A forgotten dance they both knew how to play. But somehow only with each other.

There was fear at first. The consternation of the lightening strike that spoils the picnic. He was everything she wanted and nothing she knew.

There was resistance too. So much tug and pull. Almost too much for a mind to bear. The demands of every learned behaviour against the deepest urges of the soul. In a fight to the death. He knew she could win. More decidedly than she knew it herself.

Through the dungeons of endless conversation and purged regrets. Through seedy encounters in strange places with countless strange men. All for him. And all for herself.

Trust the unknown. Trust the dark. Trust the command to forsake every stricture the world had ever used to fence her in. Trust him. Even when all logic urged retreat.

Was it obedience to him? Or obedience to the cravings of her own willful heart. Did it matter? He came to feed on the delights of her surrender just as much as she fed so greedily from the well of his relentless authority. The caring firmness she had never known. In return for the innocent gentle love she offered so eagerly in return. A sound bargain. A perfect joy.

And so she changed as a season changes. From winter with its blanket of protection and mask of ice. To glorious spring playing out the passions of a life delayed. To summer’s warmth. Talents found and feelings shared.

At last to gentle autumn. With the vulnerability of flowers long in bloom and leaves alive with colour. His harvest of life. Never meant for winter’s chill again.

It was a simple hello. Then he led her through the fire. To find it burning in her soul at the end. A reflected glow. And an ever fresh beginning.

At last there was a plane ride. New hellos and the final barriers of distance to be overcome. A new kind of dance crafted from the old. Awkward steps grown easier each day.

There was calm then. The peace of the known. True acceptance. Perfect understanding in perfect silence. Wind racing through their hair in the warm night air.

And then she finally saw it. Reflected back.

A very warm smile.

Vulnerability and Dominance

Since discovering D/s I have spent a lot of time working through what I thought it was going to mean for me … trying to understand my motivations and what I would get out of it …

However … I have always thought to some degree as well about the other side of things … trying to understand what D/s means for the Dominant …

And now that I have come to a better feeling for my own place in this … it is that other side that is beginning to preoccupy my mind more and more …

And a few thoughts have recently come to me … where I can imagine some of the things that I do for Him in return for what he does for me …

Society imposes roles on women AND men … forcing us to wear masks that allow us to show only parts of ourselves … squeezing us into uncomfortable clothes that may work in some respects but not others …

Women … for example … are not allowed to be carnal … dirty … slutty … honestly sexual … because if you allow that side of yourself to be seen you are a slut … a whore … fallen and disgraced … even in the “sexually liberated” society we have now it is still true … those judgements have never really gone away … we may get to do the deed more freely now … but we still have to take the labels if we dare to claim that right …

But in a true D/s relationship you can finally strip that away … all those labels just become additional terms of love and regard … he takes it all … values it all … loves it all … cares for it all … you can be the gentle …. caring … giving woman you always were … a lady … and a whore at the same time … he will still find you beautiful …

Men … on the other hand … are not allowed to be weak … gentle … kind … generous … vulnerable … that would make them subject to their own labels … wimp … pussy … and so on … so instead of decency and integrity you so often just get macho …

The Dominant male does have an advantage … for him the masculine stereotype part does come a little more easily because it is his nature to be confidant and secure … it is as natural for Him to “be a man” … in the best sense of that word … as it is generally natural for a submissive woman to “be a lady” … but he is still human … and a soft vulnerable part will most often still lurk inside … that has no way to properly express itself in safety …

So from the Dominant’s standpoint D/s can provide him that window into that other part of himself … allowing him to be a more whole and complete human being as well … the sacrifice of a willing … giving … compliant woman not only allows him to tower over her the way a man wants to … devouring her … consuming her … owning every part … it is also a lesson in love … reminding him that vulnerability is strength … and that true power can only be shared when both parties open themselves to every possibility … pushing the limits … tearing down the walls … crashing through every boundary … to find the true people inside in a pure and perfect light …

Both angelic and demonic all at once … strong and vulnerable at the same time …

We make it safe to be our real selves through D/s … in our acceptance of each other … in our celebration of each other … in our totally open and honest love for each other …

I’ve been thinking about the various things that drew me to this lifestyle …

And one was freedom from fear …

I don’t even mean fear of pain or abuse or being used … all of those fears can be real enough … but the biggest fear is fear of self …

It is a terrible thing to run from who you are … without really knowing you’re doing it or even knowing why …

To be freed from that self-imposed trap is like breathing in … cool clean air for the first time in your life …

I don’t fear who I am any more … my daytime self is the same as she ever was … but all the filthy things I crave are just as true and just as worthy … all a part of me … and I can live them without shame or regret …

That is liberty …

Don’t ever think I don’t really dream of this … your hand in my hair … the privilege of your delicious cock … and those ARE my words … flowery or not it is how I think AND feel … the chance to savor every inch … explore it entirely … learn your reactions … find those little things that please you most …

I do wonder why it is so important to you to MAKE me beg … because to me real devotion and real obedience are inspired not forced … you don’t have to tell me to want your cock or coax the desire out of me … it is there … it is primal … and it is voracious … just let it be …