I’ve been thinking about the various things that drew me to this lifestyle …
And one was freedom from fear …
I don’t even mean fear of pain or abuse or being used … all of those fears can be real enough … but the biggest fear is fear of self …
It is a terrible thing to run from who you are … without really knowing you’re doing it or even knowing why …
To be freed from that self-imposed trap is like breathing in … cool clean air for the first time in your life …
I don’t fear who I am any more … my daytime self is the same as she ever was … but all the filthy things I crave are just as true and just as worthy … all a part of me … and I can live them without shame or regret …
That is liberty …

I’ve been thinking about the various things that drew me to this lifestyle …

And one was freedom from fear …

I don’t even mean fear of pain or abuse or being used … all of those fears can be real enough … but the biggest fear is fear of self …

It is a terrible thing to run from who you are … without really knowing you’re doing it or even knowing why …

To be freed from that self-imposed trap is like breathing in … cool clean air for the first time in your life …

I don’t fear who I am any more … my daytime self is the same as she ever was … but all the filthy things I crave are just as true and just as worthy … all a part of me … and I can live them without shame or regret …

That is liberty …

Don’t ever think I don’t really dream of this … your hand in my hair … the privilege of your delicious cock … and those ARE my words … flowery or not it is how I think AND feel … the chance to savor every inch … explore it entirely … learn your reactions … find those little things that please you most …
I do wonder why it is so important to you to MAKE me beg … because to me real devotion and real obedience are inspired not forced … you don’t have to tell me to want your cock or coax the desire out of me … it is there … it is primal … and it is voracious … just let it be …

Don’t ever think I don’t really dream of this … your hand in my hair … the privilege of your delicious cock … and those ARE my words … flowery or not it is how I think AND feel … the chance to savor every inch … explore it entirely … learn your reactions … find those little things that please you most …

I do wonder why it is so important to you to MAKE me beg … because to me real devotion and real obedience are inspired not forced … you don’t have to tell me to want your cock or coax the desire out of me … it is there … it is primal … and it is voracious … just let it be …

One

This is also very old … from the first week or so that I was blogging … I wasn’t sure of anything then … and yet somehow I still knew … what it was I was doing and why …


Crawl for me … kneel for me … submit to me …
Let me strip you bare my love … show your inner soul …
Be your basest most animal self and show her to me …
Let me control her … let me direct her … let me have her …


Stand for me … think for me … do to me …
Take what I am and revere it … possess this most precious of things …
Be your basest most animal self and show him to me …
Let me serve him .. let me trust him … let me hold him …


But who is the master and who then the slave?
Who needs who more?
One gives and one takes … one takes and then gives …
One kneels and one rules … two dancers at play …
But both souls are caught …
Each feeding the other … dependent my love …


In my willing sacrifice I may bind you so tight …
The earth cannot break it ..
Strong winds will not shake it …
All new suns will see it …til suns are no more …
And stars in the sky shift their place …


Still will I crawl for you … still will you rule …
Still will I kneel for you … my soul as your own …
Still will our animal selves breathe together …
Blending as one …
Still will we dance then … true partners my love …
Caught up as one …

Was backing up my blog and came across this little offering … from the first week that I was blogging … so almost two years old … thought it might warrant a repeat …


Did I say I want you to fuck me?

Not softly … never that! Your passion has to burn … make me feel your need …

Take me on that table or rape me on that chair … in the sun or in the dark I cannot care …

Bend me over … sideways … all ways … and if it hurts then better still …

For how else can I know you’re there … but with your cock alive for me … your beast aroused and wild …

Deeper … faster … harder … more …

Throb inside me … groan and thrust … everything I am aches to take you …

Your place is inside me … cum dwell with me there … our bodies connected and free …

So fuck me my love … for real and for keeps … every nerve in your body … that strength that I crave …

Take me and fuck me … surrendered before you … take me and fuck me again …

Over and over … I will feel you and breathe you … touch you as no one else can …

But not softly … never that! Please fuck me …

Come dance with me he said … as he held out a hand … feel the music fill your heart … step out into the world with me …
And so I did …
Borntodance I had called myself … hardly knowing why … until that moment … then all came clear …
I followed on … into an unknown land … and somehow had no fear … not really … all was strange and I held back just a little … but my soul knew somehow there was nothing for it … I had to go …
In that presence is all belonging … where to be cast down is to be held up … silence flowing as much as the words … as we reach out … soul to soul …
We are the energy of life … meeting in the middle … and when he speaks … I follow blindly … the way of things can have no other end …
Here is my love … and my only devotion … the dance I was born to be … the child of his mind and my own made perfect … in bondage our hearts are set free … High-res

Come dance with me he said … as he held out a hand … feel the music fill your heart … step out into the world with me …

And so I did …

Borntodance I had called myself … hardly knowing why … until that moment … then all came clear …

I followed on … into an unknown land … and somehow had no fear … not really … all was strange and I held back just a little … but my soul knew somehow there was nothing for it … I had to go …

In that presence is all belonging … where to be cast down is to be held up … silence flowing as much as the words … as we reach out … soul to soul …

We are the energy of life … meeting in the middle … and when he speaks … I follow blindly … the way of things can have no other end …

Here is my love … and my only devotion … the dance I was born to be … the child of his mind and my own made perfect … in bondage our hearts are set free …

(via crescentmoon06)

Mine

He is surely mine …
Such a strange strange thing …
How what’s given comes back again …
It had no return to sender …
Yet there it lies …
Pulled in close …
In the tightest embrace …


Reach out to capture …
What was meant to be yours …
Nurture nature and strip it bare …
But know the price …
A soul for a soul …


In making me his …
He is surely made mine …
We meet at the edge of all things …
And see only ourselves …
There reflected …


His eyes shine as mine …
My heartbeat his own …
Our tongues speak helpless words …


And though we make to shift the burden …
Start the flow with me on bended knee …
When he reaches out to claim this prize …
He is captured just the same …

Remembering

Things are finally calming down a little … happily enshrined in my new ivory tower … a totally fresh start …

I can find my clothes … find my shampoo … and walk through a room without tripping over fifteen boxes lol … settled enough to at least go back to some semblance of normal life again …

So I’m sitting here staring at pixels and wondering how i get back into the routine … looking for the inspiration to set me off … so I can write again …

It’s starting to come though … and it occurs to me … that fresh starts aren’t just about forgetting … putting your past behind and trying to pretend it never was … it’s also about remembering …

It’s a good thing to remember the girl who was … and all of the things about her that were positive … though often hard for the world at large to see …

It’s good to remember the years of hard work and sacrifice for family … and all the good that came from that … there is great satisfaction in seeing children grown and finding their own way as healthy well-adjusted people who stay in my world and seek my counsel simply because they trust and love me … I gave them the life I never had … as I always promised myself I would … nothing else will ever match that achievement …

If I had always and only done for myself I could never have known this feeling …

It’s good to remember the years of schooling … the struggle to build a place in my field … and see the success that has come from that too … a decent relatively secure job … better than average pay … interesting work … enough comfort and mobility to afford the things I need and indulge at times in the things I want …

And it’s good to remember the last three years … the road from there to here … all I’ve seen and all I’ve done … every challenge … every heartache … every brutal inch of the worst of those months … because that was the fire that released the phoenix to rise from the ashes so to speak …

Such a cliche to say that there is no pleasure without pain … and yet so true … no happiness without sacrifice … no joy without suffering …

I have felt it all … and remember it all … who I am is who I was … just made stronger … freer … and even more able to love … in the only way that love can truly be … selflessly and without question …

So only the things that held me down shall be forgotten now … the old world is a new world … full of the light he made for it … and anticipation of an airplane ride to a sunny place … where the sweetest of remembrances resides …

Where he waits for me …

What Was Hiding

quickienewyork:

She used to poke me through my cage.


I was wrapped up in chains of all types, but mostly it was guilt, fear, and shame. They often appeared as kindness and empathy, which isn’t at all a bad thing, but there was always something beneath it. She could see right through it all though, and she made it her mission to keep poking until she found what was hiding.


The easiest way in was through turn-ons I didn’t know I had.


“You can’t do anything to me that I will say no to.”


I would growl and push her against the wall as she moaned and shook her head. I’d threaten to tie her to my radiator and fuck her ass until she cried, and she’d moan even louder while telling me I didn’t have it in me. When I slapped her face she’d spit at me. Even when I pushed her to her knees and forced my cock down her throat it was clear she wanted more than I had to give.


The closest we got was in a fantasy world we created after too much tequila. I kidnapped her on her way home from school and tied her to the floor in my room. She struggled and kicked as I tore and cut her clothes from her body and her resistance pulled no punches. She made me work for it, and I knew that if I brought my cock anywhere close to her mouth she would bite. She was always soaking wet by the time I touched her, but still she squirmed and snarled as she did everything in her power to get away. I fucked her as hard as I could, dropping every ounce of restraint I had, and not denying myself a thing.


If I wanted her ass I took it. If I wanted to bite, slap, or choke her I did, but hiding inside her lust was always another challenge. Was that all I could do? Was that the whole monster or was I still holding back. What was I so afraid of?


When we lay exhausted in the early morning hours, I finally untied her, and I held her tightly to make sure everything was okay. She kissed me and said it was wonderful. I wrapped my arms around her and revelled in the destruction we had done to my room, but no matter how far we had gone there was always somewhere else to go.


Each time I returned to normal her love just barely covered her disappointment.

 

Guy New York

(If you enjoy my writing, you might like my novel, The Island on The Edge of Normal, now available on Kindle and in Print.)

Proper Nouns
My favourite nouns aren’t really so proper … they have an in your face quality and cutting edges …
But what’s proper anyway … and who gets to define it …
If my love puts me down on my knees on cold hard ground … worshiping most properly  … even at risk of discovery … where is the disgrace … where the indignity … I see no impropriety …
Let my heart’s purpose then be fulfilled … though the wind bites hard … and concrete chafes on sensitive skin … I know what’s proper … and ache to adore that which is properly perfect … my favourite noun of all …
Our virtue may be in our intentions … but it is lived out through our deeds … one without the other is an empty promise …
So name the place then love … where I shall kneel at last … perhaps just call it love and say no more …
That name or another … is just another noun … what matter if it seems quite proper or not … in the substance of that place will be all our redemption … where you are so am I … and life is lived …
ftloas:

For The Love of a Sub – Photo Gallery [ Follow / Submit / Ask ]
Proper Nouns

My favourite nouns aren’t really so proper … they have an in your face quality and cutting edges …

But what’s proper anyway … and who gets to define it …

If my love puts me down on my knees on cold hard ground … worshiping most properly … even at risk of discovery … where is the disgrace … where the indignity … I see no impropriety …

Let my heart’s purpose then be fulfilled … though the wind bites hard … and concrete chafes on sensitive skin … I know what’s proper … and ache to adore that which is properly perfect … my favourite noun of all …

Our virtue may be in our intentions … but it is lived out through our deeds … one without the other is an empty promise …

So name the place then love … where I shall kneel at last … perhaps just call it love and say no more …

That name or another … is just another noun … what matter if it seems quite proper or not … in the substance of that place will be all our redemption … where you are so am I … and life is lived …

ftloas:

For The Love of a Sub – Photo Gallery [ Follow / Submit / Ask ]

rolledtrousers:

Alley Cats
I want this to feel like backalley sex, where every moan is vying for airspace with the screech of a cat, and the relentless hubbub of city washing by in waves of pedestrians and traffic. I want you to hear the wail of the siren hit on the offbeat before my hand connects on the on. 
It’s the grime on my hands as they slip over your porcelain skin, marring the surface of it, smearing filth onto your thigh as I cut a swathe through your mind. Pay no attention to the soft light against the curtain; there’s nothing comforting about this room, not with me in it. I want you to feel like there’s graffiti on the duvet, rubbing paint off against your stomach. 
You shouldn’t feel clean. Cleanliness is not for the likes of you, it’s not on the list of priorities. You’re dirty on the inside, and I’m going to make you feel unwashed on the out. Sweat and sex covering you in a sheen, until you’re too exhausted to do anything but calcify, too tired to think of anything but a shower. Too ashamed for anything but a soak. 
This isn’t about tearing you down so you can build yourself back up. This is about peeling back the layers until there’s nothing left but you, shivering in a pile of yourself, all the scuffed shreds of your self construction a sprinkled halo on the ground. But you’re no angel, you dirty little thing. 
You’re mine. 


What good are halos anyway …
More likely to block the sun than shine its light …
My heaven is found in a grimier place …
Where the likes of you and the likes of me …
Find the commonest of ground …
All that self-constructed brilliance …
Left gladly on the ground to sparkle gamely …
As though it could reassemble at a word …
To make the charming angel charm again …
As that other world would have it …
But there is no other world now …
Mine is yours and yours is mine …
Cats that stalk the night and come to own it …
Strip the fraud away and leave no doubt then …
Of what is real beneath this gentle show …
A dirty little thing that shuns all pretense …
True angels need sweet devils …
To light their way …

rolledtrousers:

Alley Cats

I want this to feel like backalley sex, where every moan is vying for airspace with the screech of a cat, and the relentless hubbub of city washing by in waves of pedestrians and traffic. I want you to hear the wail of the siren hit on the offbeat before my hand connects on the on. 

It’s the grime on my hands as they slip over your porcelain skin, marring the surface of it, smearing filth onto your thigh as I cut a swathe through your mind. Pay no attention to the soft light against the curtain; there’s nothing comforting about this room, not with me in it. I want you to feel like there’s graffiti on the duvet, rubbing paint off against your stomach. 

You shouldn’t feel clean. Cleanliness is not for the likes of you, it’s not on the list of priorities. You’re dirty on the inside, and I’m going to make you feel unwashed on the out. Sweat and sex covering you in a sheen, until you’re too exhausted to do anything but calcify, too tired to think of anything but a shower. Too ashamed for anything but a soak. 

This isn’t about tearing you down so you can build yourself back up. This is about peeling back the layers until there’s nothing left but you, shivering in a pile of yourself, all the scuffed shreds of your self construction a sprinkled halo on the ground. But you’re no angel, you dirty little thing. 

You’re mine. 


What good are halos anyway …
More likely to block the sun than shine its light …
My heaven is found in a grimier place …
Where the likes of you and the likes of me …
Find the commonest of ground …


All that self-constructed brilliance …
Left gladly on the ground to sparkle gamely …
As though it could reassemble at a word …
To make the charming angel charm again …
As that other world would have it …


But there is no other world now …
Mine is yours and yours is mine …
Cats that stalk the night and come to own it …


Strip the fraud away and leave no doubt then …
Of what is real beneath this gentle show …
A dirty little thing that shuns all pretense …
True angels need sweet devils …
To light their way …
I could never be my true self … particularly hard when you don’t even know who that person might be …
But in trusting him I finally found her … and strangely enough I came to see that trust works both inwardly and outwardly … not only did I gradually come to have faith in his care … but also faith in my own instincts … faith in my own judgement … faith in the patience he taught me …
The more I have let go … allowing myself to blindly give … the more that decision has been validated … his net has closed around me … and in the security of those bonds I move more freely than ever before …
What better purpose for such freedom than to devote it to service … of the one responsible for that liberation … there is greater joy in surrender to his wise dominion … greater satisfaction in simple humility … than there could ever be in a hundred years of self-seeking frivolity …
The web he spins is a perfect home … so there I rest … knowing myself and all my reasons at last … eager only to be his dearest pleasure … for now and for always …
herliege:

This is what these ties are for. To provide a safe haven, a space to be, a place at his feet where she may be free to offer her surrender and accept his rule. To wrap her up in trust until she feels safe enough to let go completely and be her true self. 
To make absolutely sure that net is strong enough. 
M. / Her Liege 
.
be-pleasing-always:

Slowly he secured her trust, spun the strongest safety net, the warmest blanket. She lingered, the rope caressing and intoxicating, and rested safely in the ties that bind.  
~ cat / be-pleasing-always
photograph: Frank Petter / Lazarus Walking | rope by Elmerald
I could never be my true self … particularly hard when you don’t even know who that person might be …

But in trusting him I finally found her … and strangely enough I came to see that trust works both inwardly and outwardly … not only did I gradually come to have faith in his care … but also faith in my own instincts … faith in my own judgement … faith in the patience he taught me …

The more I have let go … allowing myself to blindly give … the more that decision has been validated … his net has closed around me … and in the security of those bonds I move more freely than ever before …

What better purpose for such freedom than to devote it to service … of the one responsible for that liberation … there is greater joy in surrender to his wise dominion … greater satisfaction in simple humility … than there could ever be in a hundred years of self-seeking frivolity …

The web he spins is a perfect home … so there I rest … knowing myself and all my reasons at last … eager only to be his dearest pleasure … for now and for always …

herliege:

This is what these ties are for. To provide a safe haven, a space to be, a place at his feet where she may be free to offer her surrender and accept his rule. To wrap her up in trust until she feels safe enough to let go completely and be her true self.

To make absolutely sure that net is strong enough.

M. / Her Liege

.

be-pleasing-always:

Slowly he secured her trust, spun the strongest safety net, the warmest blanket. She lingered, the rope caressing and intoxicating, and rested safely in the ties that bind.

~ cat / be-pleasing-always

photograph: Frank Petter / Lazarus Walking | rope by Elmerald