We tell people they are “strong” when we are uncomfortable with their pain and would prefer that they shut up and not bother us with it. To say “but you are strong” is telling someone “I don’t think you should feel that way,” and it’s not a compliment. I don’t think that strength means being invulnerable, or pretending that you are. The belief that silence and stoicism are inherently good qualities is how you end up dressed up like a bat punching criminals in an alley – it’s not a good road to emotional health.
[…]
Be sad. Be angry. Let your heart break – in the diner, on someone’s futon, in the park, on the way to the zoo, at brunch, over drinks, in the therapist’s office, on the bus – Wherever it breaks, let it break all the way open, let it run out and down and spread out in a soggy puddle at your feet. Say, “I’m sorry, I can’t listen to you today, my heart is broken. Will you sit with me a while and I’ll tell you about it?“

Say, “I can’t take care of you today, but you can take care of me, and maybe tomorrow I will take care of you, and we can trade off like that for a while, okay?”

Say, “I love you, and I love that you think I’m strong, but I don’t feel like being strong today. I feel like being angry and crazy and sad. Can we go to the movies or just sit here quietly or take a walk or talk about it or not talk about it?“

Your friends may get scared when you do this. If you, the “strong” one can break, what does that say about them? That’s why they push back at you and try to remind you of your strength, when what you need is for them to stand by you in your pain and weakness. They don’t have to solve that pain, they just have to bear witness to it. Maybe they don’t know how – a lot of people don’t know what to do in the face of other people’s pain. They want to fix everything, and if they can’t fix it they feel inadequate. As the “strong” one you can help them out with this by saying “You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to do anything. Just be with me, and listen, and love me, and I’ll love you back. That’s all I need – to know that you love me, even when I’m sad and scared and don’t know what to do next.”

Captain Awkward, “The lie of ‘strength.’” (via herdirtylittleheart)

Food for thought. No one can be strong all of the time and can’t be expected to. I was raised to:

"suck it up, be stronger than everyone else, stronger than fears, turn the cheek or push back and fight but don’t you dare come home in tears or complain. Tears are weakness and don’t let them see or you will be even more vulnerable and they will use that against you."

I am ALL about being strong, being the shoulder, the pillar of strength. There are times when we need to, have to, for survival. I find great joy and fulfillment in giving strength and a caring ear and shoulder, hugs, support beyond even my own means to those I care about. It is who I am to the core. 

Yet even those of us who are viewed as strong and grounded and who take pride in it, are often on the edge of crumbling beneath the surface. 

"The lie of Strength"

There are truth in those words.  Strength doesn’t come from building a stone mask and erecting stone walls. It comes from vulnerability. It takes pure bravery to bare your soul and heart, to let people see you in your darkest hour, feeling weak and vulnerable, risking the delicate pieces normally unseen by the world. 

You have to lay open your layers of self for them and yourself to see. It is in this vulnerable state, through tears wept and demons slain and your most feared thoughts and secrets revealed that your soul heals and true strength builds from within. 

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. 

It is our strongest tool.

~*decadence*~ 2014

(via daysofdecadence)

Just awesome, brilliant writing and insight from you, deca.  Thank you.  Steven

(via missharpersworld)

(via sweetsouthern88)

So many men I tried on for size … I came to where I could tell very quickly whether there might be any real potential for connection … in my experience at least … true natural dominance is a very rare quality …
Instinct … the animal knows its own … as though there is a scent that can travel … even across those invisible lines made from wavelengths in the air …
But when I first visited him … before we had proceeded to begin to try out some of the things we had so long fantasized … even then I had no trouble imagining him capable …
I could always sense the power in him … like a snake coiled up … just biding its time …
I could imagine him striking suddenly … arms holding me down … his weight … his will …
And I knew he could feel it too … sense the same in reverse … the yielding he sought … the natural invitation … my silent yearning to be dominated …
Even from the start … if I might play at being at all difficult or “uppity” … it would only take a calm stern turn in his voice … to have me stop …
And when he binds me … I only need his simple command … kneel bitch … and the switch flips … control is all in his hands …
Even before he could fuck me … I could completely imagine how he might be … so gloriously overwhelming … like waves crashing over me …
No restraint … only need … owning the property he claims … no questions asked … only answers given …
I always felt the difference … always knew … so naturally sensed him … so completely desired him …
I can’t properly be what I am without that feeling … that elusive quality I seek needs to be there … so that I can respond to it … and I know he is the same … power feeds on power … need begets need …
The beast is here … but she only lives through him … his beast is there … it needs to feed the same …
I have conquered others … but they could never own me in return … give me a place to be …
Only my Master is that kind … my kind … we are not quite meant for this world … but meant for each other …
I close my eyes … and feel his hand close around my throat … his gravely sexy voice telling all the deviant things we will do … dark whispers … so close … hot breath on my neck …
I feel his hands moving … hurting … holding … head pulled back by my hair … my body impaled … such perfect oblivion …
And so I have asked … always asked … come into my mind love … we are safe here … out where things are the most dangerous …
Come take what was born to be yours … finish the dance we started that dark lonely night … come claim your bitch again …
She kneels … she waits … she serves … she belongs to you …
sexydiairy:

#SexyFocus
High-res
So many men I tried on for size … I came to where I could tell very quickly whether there might be any real potential for connection … in my experience at least … true natural dominance is a very rare quality …

Instinct … the animal knows its own … as though there is a scent that can travel … even across those invisible lines made from wavelengths in the air …

But when I first visited him … before we had proceeded to begin to try out some of the things we had so long fantasized … even then I had no trouble imagining him capable …

I could always sense the power in him … like a snake coiled up … just biding its time …

I could imagine him striking suddenly … arms holding me down … his weight … his will …

And I knew he could feel it too … sense the same in reverse … the yielding he sought … the natural invitation … my silent yearning to be dominated …

Even from the start … if I might play at being at all difficult or “uppity” … it would only take a calm stern turn in his voice … to have me stop …

And when he binds me … I only need his simple command … kneel bitch … and the switch flips … control is all in his hands …

Even before he could fuck me … I could completely imagine how he might be … so gloriously overwhelming … like waves crashing over me …

No restraint … only need … owning the property he claims … no questions asked … only answers given …

I always felt the difference … always knew … so naturally sensed him … so completely desired him …

I can’t properly be what I am without that feeling … that elusive quality I seek needs to be there … so that I can respond to it … and I know he is the same … power feeds on power … need begets need …

The beast is here … but she only lives through him … his beast is there … it needs to feed the same …

I have conquered others … but they could never own me in return … give me a place to be …

Only my Master is that kind … my kind … we are not quite meant for this world … but meant for each other …

I close my eyes … and feel his hand close around my throat … his gravely sexy voice telling all the deviant things we will do … dark whispers … so close … hot breath on my neck …

I feel his hands moving … hurting … holding … head pulled back by my hair … my body impaled … such perfect oblivion …

And so I have asked … always asked … come into my mind love … we are safe here … out where things are the most dangerous …

Come take what was born to be yours … finish the dance we started that dark lonely night … come claim your bitch again …

She kneels … she waits … she serves … she belongs to you …

sexydiairy:

#SexyFocus

(via lifesalmostunimportantthings31)

How he has taught me … changed me … rearranged me …
I never knew my power … oh such a game we play … practicing most perfectly to deceive … ourselves most of all … and yet not at all …
A Dom is not a Dom without a sub … the leader cannot lead unless he’s followed …
The potential is there … the spark … the invitation …
But it only lives when she has bent to serve … her power … her choice …
And in that gift of will … he is also owned …
The play goes on … as it must … as it may … what we are was born in the heart …
But love … dearest love … you shall always be mine … just as surely as I am yours …
blootje:

balance by -bogomaz- #flickstackr
500px: http://500px.com/photo/342963
How he has taught me … changed me … rearranged me …

I never knew my power … oh such a game we play … practicing most perfectly to deceive … ourselves most of all … and yet not at all …

A Dom is not a Dom without a sub … the leader cannot lead unless he’s followed …

The potential is there … the spark … the invitation …

But it only lives when she has bent to serve … her power … her choice …

And in that gift of will … he is also owned …

The play goes on … as it must … as it may … what we are was born in the heart …

But love … dearest love … you shall always be mine … just as surely as I am yours …

blootje:

balance by -bogomaz- #flickstackr

500px: http://500px.com/photo/342963

(via just-me-sassy)

You know that moment when you’re fucking … and you’re deep inside her …
And the stars start to fill your mind … there’s nothing but this endless empty space … and you’re so very certain you’re touching heaven …
You can’t quite hold on to real … if you ever knew what real was … and all you know is the throbbing pulse of your own heartbeat … the ebb and flow of the in and out …
And there’s that one sweet instant … as you are just about to cum … and she’s meeting you on the battlefield … just as lost … just as senseless …
You know … that moment …
ftloas:

For The Love of a Sub – Photo Gallery [ Follow ]
You know that moment when you’re fucking … and you’re deep inside her …

And the stars start to fill your mind … there’s nothing but this endless empty space … and you’re so very certain you’re touching heaven …

You can’t quite hold on to real … if you ever knew what real was … and all you know is the throbbing pulse of your own heartbeat … the ebb and flow of the in and out …

And there’s that one sweet instant … as you are just about to cum … and she’s meeting you on the battlefield … just as lost … just as senseless …

You know … that moment …

ftloas:

For The Love of a Sub – Photo Gallery [ Follow ]

blackshivers:

Stéphane Coutelle
Lives are lived in seconds … we never see them coming … then watch them fly …
But some of those images burn … as negative relief … lines scratched deep on the interior mind …
Here the curve of an offered arm … there the steel of a longed for grip …
An endless movie running … as infinite loop … your skin … my need … our destined play of passion …
May I return … oh let me return … those were the seconds to live for …
Yet a reason to die for …
If an image endures … as infamy … then ours shall be immortal …

blackshivers:

Stéphane Coutelle



Lives are lived in seconds … we never see them coming … then watch them fly …

But some of those images burn … as negative relief … lines scratched deep on the interior mind …

Here the curve of an offered arm … there the steel of a longed for grip …

An endless movie running … as infinite loop … your skin … my need … our destined play of passion …

May I return … oh let me return … those were the seconds to live for …

Yet a reason to die for …

If an image endures … as infamy … then ours shall be immortal …